IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER The opinions and views of the characters in this blog do not necessarily reflect my personal opinions and views. These are fictional characters . They are not based on anybody I personally know or heard of. This entire blog is fiction.
“Darling, charity begins at home. Auntie Carol told her mate. You know that Emma. Just because you went on to get a doctorate in psychology doesn’t mean everyone has a splendid mind as is yours. Some people just need a little more help. Your colleages at The World’s Cheapest Freak Show lost their jobs and they requested our help, I told them that our mansion could house them all They could stay here until they got on their feet. Or in the case of Francesco Letinis grandnephew back on his three feet. I just assumed you’d be okay with it,” said Auntie Carol That poor dear woman with absolutely no sense of direction. That piteable man from Texas. He must of been seen as exotic to those folks in Intercourse PA The woman who was completely tonedeaf who insisted on singing German Opera at the top of her voice and last but certainly not least the star of the show , a man with a deviated septum.”
“Well, said Emma puffed up like a cobra waiting to strike, ”I am not okay w I never wanted to see those losers again!” explained Herman/Emma. The Hermaphrodite from the “World’s Cheapest Freakshow”
“Well, methinks Thee are suffering from a case of hubris. You know pride goes before the fall, dear, Emma,” said Auntie Carol
“It’s not even it. I despise them. They accepted the appellation of “freaks” and did not take control of their lives as I did. How could you possibly know what working in a tent and letting crass strangers stare at you was like. It was demeaning and I don’t want to be reminded of my other life. When I got my doctorate in Psychology I was free of all that and now, Carol you want me to turn back the pages of time, ”retorted Emma, who looked stunning in a black lace peignoir and seven inch stilettos. For added drama, the lingerie was fraught with ostrich feathers and she smelled of tea rose perfume. She further said, “I can’t imagine any of them transcending their conditions. When this world tells you that you are a freak of nature, I say I am Doctor Sherman, and pardon you. I worked so hard of to get where I am. I don’t want to be reminded of that timemplace! Who did you invite?”
“Well, Larry Lazardo Lizard man, the Siamese twin, Colette and Coquette, and the man from Texas. Lord knows we’ve got the room for them with eight bedrooms and three full bathrooms. Space is no issue. Please, darling, Emma let me do this good deed.” Auntie Carol pleaded.
“Oh no, Larry Lazardo, that glad hander, blow hard and he throwing himself at pretty women. It’s better to invite a werewolf than him. And the twins are constantly bickering because Coquette is a slut and Collette is saving herself. Collette’s always saying to Coquette, ‘The things you make me do, sister. You know it isn’t right’ “Then Collette says she insists on being a virgin til she is engaged. Coquette says ‘Then let says I like to try out the merchandise. Oh that Coquette is a mean one and has a mouth on her. I sometimes used to feel sorry for Collette. Sometimes they get in fisticuffs and busted lips and black eyes. Coquette dresses so suggestively. Use your imaginations darling. I’ll just tell she wears high platform shoes while Collette wears prim pastel dresses on the other side and is given to reading scripture while her sister is such a hussy with the men. It is Coquette, the dominant one, who makes the money. Collette tries really hard to convert her sister and recites passages in the Bible involving boils and pustules for those who stray while her sister just ignores it until she’s had enough then clouts her on the ear or face. They can never agree and never even eat the same food. They throw dice to determine which one will get control of the day. I suspect Coquette has some loaded dice because she always wins,” said Emma.
“Carol ,you probably invited the “Man from Texas”, Emma continued, “because you’ve got the hots for him at some level because he is a southern gentleman. Shades of Jack Daniels, BarBQ. spurs to rake the sides of broncos. You’ll never get him to speak the King’s English. As I know he has the dream of doing phone customer service. His raison d’etre. I think he’s the most capable one if his completely unintelligible Texan Drawl can be cured. The sisters could work at grocery store checkout like the Daisy and VIolet Hilton sisters.
“Carol, there has to be a time when you throw down the gauntlet and says, ‘I Am and nothing can stop me.” I don’t know how to help Larry Lazardo but I’m thinking auto mechanic as he was always good at fixing things. I just can’t stand how he lives on super sweet kids cereal and and nothing else. Character is Destiny.
Desdemona was unjustly accused. Othello’s was a detestable lout”, Auntie Carol thought as she spray starched he husband’s work shirts. She mused about the unjustness of it all. Herman would never fall prey to an iago, the hateful wretch. “I am so happy to have my Herman/Emma Enigma, (Herman, of course was a hermaphrodite and a psycho therapist.) One couldn’t tell whether he was coming or going, so to speak and he had two separate personalities, a man and a woman. He was a specialist in dissociative disorders. Who better?
Auntie Carol took pride in her role as “help-mate” to her husband. She believed in being
the woman behind the man.” Every evening she greeted him with a “hello, darling “ and a kiss just like on “Father Knows Best”, an old 50s sit com. As the Bible says, “Cleave unto your man.” This was her motto. Every evening she was there with his slippers, his Wall Street Journal, and a snifter of delightfully smoth Remy Martin. He settled into his cozy chair, and she sat in his lap like a smiling geisha. She cheered his victories and put salve on his wounds She would say, “Darling, the girl was a bipolar noir poet. She had a bad attitude about life. You couldn’t have prevented her suicide.”
“Darling, I just abhor all those hoity toity career woman who have this drive to achieve. A woman’s place is behind a man to shore him up form life’s disappointments. After all it is an honor to stand in reflected light,” said Auntie Carol. “ By the way, dear, I’ve prepared a scrumptious dinner. Beef Bourgeonne. Green beans almondine, fruit compote a la Truman Compote and Key Lime Pie. And we shall have Patron Margaritas, your fave!! Nothing is too good for my man.”
“What did I do to deserve such a woman, said Herman.
“You proposed, Darling. You proposed,” replied Auntie Carol.A WIFE’S SACRED DUTY TO HER HUSBAND
“Desdemona was unjustly accused. Othello’s was a detestable lout”, Auntie Carol thought as she spray starched he husband’s work shirts. She mused about the unjustness of it all. Herman would never fall prey to an iago, the hateful wretch. “I am so happy to have my Herman/Emma Enigma, (Herman, of course was a hermaphrodite and a psycho therapist.) One couldn’t tell whether he was coming or going, so to speak and he had two separate personalities, a man and a woman. He was a specialist in dissociative disorders. Who better?
.“What did I do to deserve such a woman, said Herman.
“You proposed, Darling. You proposed,” replied Auntie Carol
By Carol Anne Bond and Lynne Appell
Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol are two middled aged self proclaimed etiquitte experts and lets say, rather set ways in how they view modern society. They believe in 50s style morality in the 21st Century. That means young men and young women should consistently take care to dress properly at all times. Teenage boys should look like gentlemen and young ladies should be the opitomy of ladies. They should behave properly on every occasion. A litte pease, thank you, your welcome never harmed anyone. And of course they should repsect their elders, especially their parents.
Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol presumed the youth of today were bought up by a mother and a father. Not single parents or gay couples. The two biddies were for rights for all and no group was excepted. But being so old fashion they were only used to the usual status quo.
Lady Lynda is called that because no matter what situation she is in she always acts like a lady. Auntie Carol does too but she is much more outgoing and friendly. She is called Auntie because she is like everyone’s cheery aunt.
Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol are professional manners experts.. They are the manners matrons. There are different professions throughout the blog. One of them are teachers are special schools. One for girls and one for boys.
Lastly Lady Lynda’s full name is Lady Lynda Mae Hoffenfetter Toze.
Auntie Carol’s is Auntie Carol Hermanemma. More about that later.
Lady Lynda is Jewish but she doesn’t look it so much wiyj that turned up nose, and different colored eyes, blue and green. It kind like looking at a mirage in the desert. It make me dizzy to look into her crazy mixed up eyes. With her chubby cheeks and salt and pepper curly hair she looks cherubic. The women both dress like the height of fashion…of the fifties. Carnation Pink & navy blue boxy jacket and skirt suits. Skirt length right below the knees. Wool in the winter and cotton in the Spring and Summer. Both Lady Lynda and Auntie Carol constantly wear these little white gloves like Disney’s Mickey Mous Pearl necklace and earrings with cameos made of real Amber . Reminds me of Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffanys. Lady Lynda sometimes wears high open toed stilletoes becaise her man, Seymour Toze really admires her toes. Auntie Carol wear sensible shoes, low healed and with no surprises. Put me in mind of a spinster. Speaking of Auntie Carol her face is elfin with her pert features, her translucent hazel eyes. Her hair is an orange blonde and cropped somewhat short but still feminine looking.
Authors Lynne Appell and Carol Anne Bond.
Next post will tell more.