Charity Should Begin at Home


“Darling,  charity begins at home. Auntie Carol told her mate.  You know that Emma.  Just because you went on to get a doctorate in psychology doesn’t mean everyone has a splendid mind as is yours.  Some people just need a little more help.  Your colleages at The World’s Cheapest Freak Show  lost their jobs  and they requested our help, I told them that our mansion  could house them all  They could stay here until they got on their feet. Or in the case of Francesco Letinis grandnephew back on his three feet.   I just assumed  you’d be okay with it,” said Auntie Carol   That poor dear woman with absolutely no sense of direction.  That piteable man from Texas.    He must of been seen as exotic to those folks in Intercourse PA   The woman who was completely tonedeaf who insisted on singing German Opera at the top of her voice and last but certainly not least the star of the show , a man with a deviated septum.”

 “Well, said Emma puffed up like a cobra waiting to strike, ”I am not okay w I never wanted to see those losers again!” explained Herman/Emma.  The Hermaphrodite from the “World’s Cheapest Freakshow”

 “Well, methinks Thee are suffering from a case of hubris. You know pride goes before the fall, dear, Emma,” said Auntie Carol

 “It’s not even it. I despise them.  They accepted the appellation of “freaks” and did not take control of their lives as I did.  How could you possibly know what working in a tent and letting crass strangers  stare at you was like.  It was demeaning and I don’t want to be reminded of my other life.  When I got my doctorate in Psychology I was free of all that and now, Carol you want me to turn back the pages of time, ”retorted Emma, who looked stunning  in a black lace peignoir and seven inch stilettos. For added drama, the lingerie was fraught with ostrich feathers and she smelled of tea rose perfume. She further said, “I can’t imagine any of them transcending their conditions.  When this world tells you that you are a freak of nature, I say I am Doctor Sherman, and pardon you.  I worked so hard of to get where I am.  I don’t want to be reminded of that timemplace!  Who did you invite?”

 “Well, Larry Lazardo Lizard man, the Siamese twin, Colette and Coquette, and the man from Texas.  Lord knows we’ve got the room for them with eight bedrooms and three full bathrooms.   Space is no issue. Please, darling, Emma let me do this good deed.” Auntie Carol pleaded.

“Oh no, Larry Lazardo, that glad hander, blow hard and he  throwing himself  at pretty women.   It’s better to invite a werewolf than him.  And the twins are constantly bickering because Coquette is a slut and Collette is saving herself. Collette’s always saying to Coquette, ‘The things you make me do, sister. You know it isn’t right’ “Then Collette says she insists on being a virgin til she is engaged. Coquette says ‘Then let says I like to try out the merchandise.    Oh that Coquette is a mean one and has a mouth on her.  I sometimes used to feel sorry for Collette. Sometimes they get in fisticuffs and busted lips and black eyes. Coquette dresses so suggestively.  Use your imaginations darling. I’ll just tell she wears high platform shoes while Collette wears prim pastel dresses on the other side and is given to reading scripture while her sister is such a hussy with the men.    It is Coquette, the dominant one, who makes the money.  Collette tries really hard to convert her sister and recites passages in the Bible involving boils and pustules for those who stray while her sister just  ignores it until she’s had enough then clouts her on the ear or face.  They can never agree and never even eat the same food.  They throw dice to determine which one will get control of the day.  I suspect Coquette has some loaded dice because she always wins,” said Emma.

“Carol ,you probably invited the “Man from Texas”, Emma continued, “because you’ve got the hots for him at some level because he is a southern gentleman. Shades of Jack Daniels, BarBQ. spurs to rake the sides of broncos. You’ll never get him to speak the King’s English.  As I know he has the dream of doing phone customer service. His raison d’etre. I think he’s the most capable one  if his completely unintelligible Texan Drawl can be cured.  The  sisters could work at grocery store checkout like the Daisy and VIolet Hilton  sisters.      

“Carol, there has to be a time when you throw down the gauntlet and says, ‘I Am and nothing can stop me.”  I don’t know how to help Larry Lazardo but I’m thinking auto mechanic as he was  always good at fixing things.  I just can’t stand how he lives on super sweet kids cereal and  and nothing else. Character is Destiny.

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