Histats




Lady Lynda at last finds her niche

Lady Lynda Finds Her Niche

Lady Lynda forlornly thought of how she missed lecturing the young women of the charm school for wayward girls. She felt a tinge of melancholy thinking of how her learned words of wisdom would never be heard by those dear grateful young men of Mr. Pequots Reform School for Dastardly Bastards. She sighed as she pondered how her male charges , how some of them would always be bastards in the literal sense but they were now dastardly no more. Conversely the girls were now refined young women. Both grads were ready to take their place in the civilized world. She turned those bestial boys into if not perfect gentlemen, ready to be in polite society. It was a dim chance that the female students would ignorantly blather away at vulgar nonsense. Lady Lynda felt a warm feeling in the cockles of her heart. Her mood was decidedly blithe as she reflected on how her woman friend and her dramatically changed such unfortunate wretch’s lives so significantly for the better.

Auntie Carol’s faithful colleague was feeling a sense of emptiness in her life. Yes the student of both schools could get a bit unruly she admitted to herself. She recalled bemusedly the time when…The woman reluctantly remembered how it was a challenge to to put it mildly to gain their respect. It was like getting a Kosher Rabbi to eat a Ham and Cheese sandwich. In a way she couldn’t blame them as she tried to see how she and Auntie Carol were initially perceived from their perspective. Two dowdy fuddy duddy middle aged woman who if the girl’s vocabulary was sophisticated enough would of seen them as dowagers. Yet from her perspective, she was a lady and a sophisticated, cultured one at that.

Now it was up to her to somehow fill the void in her life. Yes there was of course Seymour but he was busy with his day job as a shoe salesman and pedicurist at the “Into Leather” shoe store. Plus his moonlighting as a freelance fashion photographer who specialized in taking photos of women in open toed spiked or stiletto heels. The woman reflecting back on her time with her students came to the conclusion that lecturing was her forte.

It was what she did best. Her time giving talks to the students of both of the schools proved that. She fondly recalled how they listened intensely to what ever she told them. Why else would they listen so closely? Perish the thought there could ever be any other explanation. It was like they were barbarous hordes before they slowly became civilized thanks to them listening to Auntie Carol and her gently guide, and sometimes when needed, chide them into how to behave in civilized society.

No more would they, especially the boys be baneful threats to society. Instead they would know their place and instead of looking bedraggled they would be the epitomy of ladylike and gentlemanly deportment. They would be belligerent no more. In place of belligerence there would be true respect for societal mores.

Lady Lynda lamented the times when she her colleague in arms, Auntie Carol experienced tough times trying to get through to the ruffians in each of the schools. She reflected how beleagered she was as she tried to teach them proper etiquette. Yet despite the troubles , eventually she and her partner did bequeath upon them the essential manners for polite society. Looking back Lady Lynda thought, bemused that if she can make these swaggering braggarts become civilized than she could do for virtually everybody. She found her niche. Her mission would be to lecture on the importance of proper manners.

Seymour Toze Shoe Salesman Pedi Cures

Seymour Toze loves his duties at the “Into Leather” shoe store. That is especially pedicure duties. That is because he is a connaissur of women’s feet. He especially likes Lady Lynda’s size 6 curvy, high arched feet. At least that’s how her podiatrist described them. They are so high , Seymour serenely reflects, only her heel and front part ever touch the floor. To Toze the way her feet make contact with the ground is a metaphor of how he feels about her and her soles. His soul soars into the sky like being carried by Hermes with his winged feet. The shoe store worker’s spirit is lifted off the ground like Lady Lynda’s feet are lifted off the floor.

Seymour is inspired by his lady love’s delicate feet. His strong desire is to pamper his female customer’s bottom apendages like a new mother pampers her babies soft warm skin. His motto and belief is his caring professional pedicures are good for the soles. He definitely isn’t balling any woman who wants a foot job from him. He loves doing footsies. It makes his heart go pitter patter the way he makes his lady clients feel being with him.

The man thinks to himself that his is a wonderful profession. A perfect fit for a man who adores toes at say the least. It never occurs him he needs to toe the line. Doing his line of work is to him, as stimulating as an invigorating foot rub. It is as wondrous as a relaxing jacuzzi soak. It is as sensual as a milk bath of the finest consistency, quality. But mostly it is a delightful way to keep the customers satisfied by getting to his clients literally from the ground up and then seeing from there.

A Special Luncheon by Carol Anne Bond

A Girl’s Luncheon
Posted in site promotion, tagged beautiful dreams, Carol Anne Bond Writer.
This is Auntie Carol and I must simply tell you of the excellent luncheon my new beau, Herman Sherman prepared for me and my most beloved Lady Lynda. For forty-three years I have followed God’s commandments, that is except for the one, “Go forth and multiply.” ALors, darlings nobody’s ,perfect. and I’ll find a reason to go on living somehow. How long have I waited for my prince/princess to come along. Before Herman or as he sometimes calls himself, Emma Enigma, I had given up hope and was going to dedicate my life to “good works” like the late Mother Therese. God bless her soul. That is not to say I could carry it that far. But close.

For those of you who have not followed our meanderings Herman Sherman & Emma Enigma, are two parts of the same person, a hermaphrodite I fell in love with. So much do I love hin/her I would lay down my very life for him. Most days Herman, the man courts me: other days I have the best female companion, a girl could want with the exception of Lady Lynda, my dear friend. More about Herman. He is gorgeous, simply divine with his violet, thick lashed eyes and flowing blue black long hair. A face a mother would die for and any young girl would swoon for like the old fashioned Errol Flynn or Lawrence Olivier, a dark handsomeness and beautiful as a girl or “Emma”. I have two, two mints in one, (a littte bon mot for you.) Sometimes I am tres comique. Innitially Lady Lynda had reservations saying he didn’t know whether he was coming or going and I assured her he was mentally stable though being two people. He’d have to be sane to be a licensed sex thearpist with a degree in abnormal psych from Penn. I have an interest in abnormal psych, and it kinds of turns me on for some reason. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t hurt a soul, but it’s just nice to have someone to talk with me about abnormal psychology, Scarcely human. I just have the gut level feeling I could have cured them with some good Christian virtues, home cooking, and the love of a good woman, moi. Oh, well water under the bridge. Now I have Herman/Emma.

Emma, dressed in an orange leather mini-skirt and diaphonous, see through blouse with black lace bra on her small breasts looked every bit the high fashion model. She was almost as beautiful as The Black Orchid but not quite. Oh, well, Quelle Domage.

Anyway, Emma cooked the entire meal as only a Cordon Bleu chef could. Pheasant under glass with wild rice stuffing and herbs, artichoke hearts in lime and olive oil, parslied potatoes, and tomato aspic (not my favorite.) She served us cabernet from France and we ate little dainty bite sized apple and cherry pies, baked by her own loving hands for desert. As she walked like a lioness from room to room with infinite grace she trailed behind the essence of Shalimar. I shan’t tell you what happened when we were alone in our bedroom later but I will say I am still pristine and saving myself for the wedding bed. Shall you guess whom I mean?

For all of Lady Lynda’s fears that I was dating a mad man, he/she dispelled all doubt, when he played our rhyming game, and fixed Lady Lynda with her most fetching smile.
some of our bon mots were: stalion eating a scallion, sublime lime, occasion for a Caucasion & the smile that stretched a mile. A main who can rhyme can commit no crime.

Oh, believe me we all had further witticisms too numerous to mention. We were a clever bunch. Then we discussed our favorite artists and writers. Names like Boticelli, Bosch, Breugel, La Treck, Van Gogh and others floated through the cool spring air like aerie ghosts. When it came to Nietche, we all agreed, dare I say, that he was an insufferable bastard and a totally evil. man. For, it is my contention that the world is run by Nietche, and that is not pleasant. Not pleasant at all. Alors! and heavens no!

But the long and the short of it is that my best friend now approved of my beau, and wished us well. I would have to do the same for Seymour Toze though I considered him a pervert. Well, nobody’s perfect, least of all, moi. Sherman carried me up the stairs to the bedroom as I was somewhat tipsey and I had beautiful dreams. Just beautiful. I was Cinderella at last.

CAROL ANN-writer of Poems of Thunder (Noir & Whimsy) @ BN.com, Amazon.com & publisheamerica.com
Numerous other books- need agents and’or publishers contact thru facebook, poetry, humor historical drma

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