Lady Lynda Encounters the Local Curmudgeon Erasmus Nutley


Lady Lynda noticed the vast majority of her neighbors readily signed the protest letter. The one notable exception was the local curmudgeon who dastardly insisted on reading what was in the protest form. Seymour Toze’s wife fanned herself as she hyperventilated at Erasmus’s gall. Yet she was still determined for him to to sign. She would use her charm she confidently decided.
Lady Lynda remembered the saying hope springs eternal. She smiled as she reminisced about that 70s star, actress Hope Lange. She then starting humming the nonsense chorus of “He’s so fine.” She sang ” Do lang. Do lang.: That led to her reminiscing when her sister and her saw the radical psychiatrist R. D. Laing. They sang to the tune of the chorus of “He’s so Fine” RD Laing RD Laing that handsome shrink over there . The one with the wavy hair. It made her chuckle. How they both possessed a sense of humor. Nutley certainly didn’t. Lady Lynda reflected how she first noticed his sour disposition when she first met him. She recalled the situation was to see if he’d sign a petition in protest of Lothario Nicolas Venire. The man who painted his home so garish. Venire’s decoration consisted of two foot square “Sponge Bob Square Pants” pictures. Their backgrounds were of various pastels. This was Nick’s way of getting even with Lady Lynda for leaving him for her husband Seymour Toze. Who happened to be a freelance fashion photographer of women in open toed shoes Her recollecting sorely reminded her that one of the many faults of Erasmus Nutley was his lack of desiring romantic encounters . For that matter any personal relationships. Yes thought Lady Lynda He was truly his own best friend. He was his only friend Yet somehow despite his many character shortcomings, Lady Lynda insisted on giving him her home baked pastries. Yes it wasn’t his fault if he was somewhat stooped. That his height was slightly over six feet. His bony frame, concave chest, spindly legs gave him a look of a crotchety Abraham Lincoln, minus the beard. His constant frown and his watery pale blue eyes, hook nose gave him a demeanor of a man who seemed as thin and fragile as a twig. He seemed even icier than then a completely frozen lake on the coldest day in Winter. Yet despite these facts the woman thought of him as a poor dear who only real fault was his true sweet personality was deeply hidden. Yes it was deeply hidden as sea urchin on the floor of the Mariana Trench. It was her duty to bring out his warm personality. .The woman asked if he was diabetic. He scowled and told her it was none of her business. Lady Lynda somehow knew Erasmus would evade the question. She told him she wanted to know if he could eat her sweets without impunity. He told her it didn’t matter since he wasn’t interest in her baking. Lady Lynda reflected how most of her neighbors would indeed welcome her deserts with open arms and eager mouths. “Now that I think about it. I suppose it wouldn’t do any harm in taking your pastries. The price is right. I’m sure your intentions are pure. The woman tried to see things from his perspective. Well at least he seemed open to accepting her pastry. Lady Lynda just knew he’d love her scrumptious cooking. She couldn’t imagine taking her baked goods and not enjoying them. Nutley thought of how he’d take her offerings and stashed them in his cupboard. When he’d eat them would be when it would snow in the summer. Lady Lynda didn’t need to know that. He’d take them to be on her good side. She’d never need to know his motivation. She pondered what made him so misanthropic? Was it his early experiences? Was that relevant to know? How analytical should she be? She just knew the first four letters to that word was anal. That reminded her of anal retentive. That was certainly what Erasmus Nutley was. Her mission and her challenge was to bring out his deeply hidden sensitivity and warmth. She beamed with delight for she knew how to get through to Erasmus. Yes it through her delightful pastries. They did take the cake and so would Erasmus. The only thing to do was to shop for the scrumptious ingredients. Surely he couldn’t resist Queen Anne cherry pie with cinnamon flavored whole wheat icing. For that matter nor could he refuse fennel flavored roll ups with persimmon filling. His gratitude would definitely alter his attitude. His heart would soften. Oh it was so exciting she gleamed. It was truly a stroke of pure genius exclaimed Lady Lynda, She reflected how delectable her sweets were. Surely he would like these sweets. She would somehow get through to his heart.

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