Lady Lynda, sitting on her rose pink divan, fanned herself to try to eliminate her vapors. The now celebrity etiquette expert was hard at work thinking up some bon mots for her upcoming lecture in Rose Tree PA. Roses enlivened her tender sensibilities. The flowers of love. Yet as she polished her manners tidbits she basked in the glow of continuing splendid tour. Yes she at last finds her true calling. She will talk about how utterly important decorum is in virtually every situation. It is essential for men and women to be mannerly. The worst fault was to be uncouth. Be consistently couth.
With her fountain pen , the lady of Seymour Toze begins to write in an elegant lady like cursive script some notes. If it was a font it would be Edwardian Script ITC The very idea of using the writing word program on her computer was so plebian.
The earvest woman solumnly reminds herself to say the following at her talk. To even mention, let alone sing the “Band” song sung by Levon Helm “Stage Fright” to many actors and actresses would be the height of cruelty. These are such sensitive souls. Those poor dears with their rapacious fans. It would be the height of disrespect. Speaking of that word, never mention height to a little person. That phrase rubs it in that they’re vertically challenged. On the other extreme, the height of considerateness is to be sensitive to other’s feelings. They might think you’re rubbing it in. What ever you do don’t ever give a dwarf short shrift.
Lady Lynda was ready for whatever she experienced. She took to the stage like a matador takes to the arena. She was proud, bold and most of all knew her calling. This was the career she was born to do. Good manners was her destiny, her mission in life. The middle aged woman appeared the height of style and sophistication with her prim mauve organza dress.
The proud woman stood as tall as she could with her five feet one frame. At least she made it pass the minimal requirements of the civil rights group for really short statured persons. Yes she barely made it but she did make it. But there for the grace of the LORD she poured her heart to those who were less fortunate than her, heightwise.
“I know I’m old fashion. This may seem quite quaint to you young men and woman here. I believe couples should be celibate before marriage. Remember no hanky panky. She waved her index finger at them. A quick kiss on the cheek is fine but please don’t get out of line. A chaste kiss on the lips. And other tips. A gentle embrace as you gaze at each others face.
One impudent young man stood up. He shouted “Isn’t that from a song by “Three Dog Night?”
Lady Lynda looked confused. She wondered what the chap was referring to. What did the American and Irish band do with celibacy, Her expression was that of consternation. The man who was showed such impudence began singing “Celibate, celibate, dance to the music.”
“No, no that’s not it at all. I fear you don’t know what I mean. she proclaimed indignantly. For your edification it means…I know what it means dearie. I was only joking with you. Can’t you take a joke? “I can’t take rudeness, disrespect. Getting back to what I was saying. Two people in a relationship should refrain from consumating it before becoming man and wife.”
“Every romantic twosome should respect each others chastity. Young ladies I think we talk honestly I feel you should draw the line. She touched her neck. Not here and certainly not here” With that sentiment and feeling she educated the crowd she walked off with a self confident smile on her pert pink lips. She beamed with pride as she exited the stage with thunderous applause.