Lady Lynda Encounters the Local Curmudgeon Erasmus Nutley

Lady Lynda noticed the vast majority of her neighbors readily signed the protest letter. The one notable exception was the local curmudgeon who dastardly insisted on reading what was in the protest form. Seymour Toze’s wife fanned herself as she hyperventilated at Erasmus’s gall. Yet she was still determined for him to to sign. She would use her charm she confidently decided.
Lady Lynda remembered the saying hope springs eternal. She smiled as she reminisced about that 70s star, actress Hope Lange. She then starting humming the nonsense chorus of “He’s so fine.” She sang ” Do lang. Do lang.: That led to her reminiscing when her sister and her saw the radical psychiatrist R. D. Laing. They sang to the tune of the chorus of “He’s so Fine” RD Laing RD Laing that handsome shrink over there . The one with the wavy hair. It made her chuckle. How they both possessed a sense of humor. Nutley certainly didn’t. Lady Lynda reflected how she first noticed his sour disposition when she first met him. She recalled the situation was to see if he’d sign a petition in protest of Lothario Nicolas Venire. The man who painted his home so garish. Venire’s decoration consisted of two foot square “Sponge Bob Square Pants” pictures. Their backgrounds were of various pastels. This was Nick’s way of getting even with Lady Lynda for leaving him for her husband Seymour Toze. Who happened to be a freelance fashion photographer of women in open toed shoes Her recollecting sorely reminded her that one of the many faults of Erasmus Nutley was his lack of desiring romantic encounters . For that matter any personal relationships. Yes thought Lady Lynda He was truly his own best friend. He was his only friend Yet somehow despite his many character shortcomings, Lady Lynda insisted on giving him her home baked pastries. Yes it wasn’t his fault if he was somewhat stooped. That his height was slightly over six feet. His bony frame, concave chest, spindly legs gave him a look of a crotchety Abraham Lincoln, minus the beard. His constant frown and his watery pale blue eyes, hook nose gave him a demeanor of a man who seemed as thin and fragile as a twig. He seemed even icier than then a completely frozen lake on the coldest day in Winter. Yet despite these facts the woman thought of him as a poor dear who only real fault was his true sweet personality was deeply hidden. Yes it was deeply hidden as sea urchin on the floor of the Mariana Trench. It was her duty to bring out his warm personality. .The woman asked if he was diabetic. He scowled and told her it was none of her business. Lady Lynda somehow knew Erasmus would evade the question. She told him she wanted to know if he could eat her sweets without impunity. He told her it didn’t matter since he wasn’t interest in her baking. Lady Lynda reflected how most of her neighbors would indeed welcome her deserts with open arms and eager mouths. “Now that I think about it. I suppose it wouldn’t do any harm in taking your pastries. The price is right. I’m sure your intentions are pure. The woman tried to see things from his perspective. Well at least he seemed open to accepting her pastry. Lady Lynda just knew he’d love her scrumptious cooking. She couldn’t imagine taking her baked goods and not enjoying them. Nutley thought of how he’d take her offerings and stashed them in his cupboard. When he’d eat them would be when it would snow in the summer. Lady Lynda didn’t need to know that. He’d take them to be on her good side. She’d never need to know his motivation. She pondered what made him so misanthropic? Was it his early experiences? Was that relevant to know? How analytical should she be? She just knew the first four letters to that word was anal. That reminded her of anal retentive. That was certainly what Erasmus Nutley was. Her mission and her challenge was to bring out his deeply hidden sensitivity and warmth. She beamed with delight for she knew how to get through to Erasmus. Yes it through her delightful pastries. They did take the cake and so would Erasmus. The only thing to do was to shop for the scrumptious ingredients. Surely he couldn’t resist Queen Anne cherry pie with cinnamon flavored whole wheat icing. For that matter nor could he refuse fennel flavored roll ups with persimmon filling. His gratitude would definitely alter his attitude. His heart would soften. Oh it was so exciting she gleamed. It was truly a stroke of pure genius exclaimed Lady Lynda, She reflected how delectable her sweets were. Surely he would like these sweets. She would somehow get through to his heart.

Nick Venire Gets His Comeuppance Lady Lady returns to her love Seymour Toze.

The dear put upon Lady Lynda decided to write a letter of protest. She’d write the basic thoughts, complaints, and hopefully resolutions. She’d read to see how well it flowed. The woman would make certain it was written in one tense. She would check for spelling and punctuation errors. Most importantly she’d see how clear the language was. Seymour Toze’s wife certainly didn’t want to talk down to her readers. The petition would be written in plain English.

She’d write it on plain white lined paper. The woman would share precisely her exact thoughts on how she felt. The issue would that insensitive cad and his horribly decorated house of Sponge Bob Square Pants decorations. How she believed he had done such economic damage to the neighborhood. Not only did he make and Seymour the laughing stock of her neighbors. The block’s economic status slid downhill as fast as popularity of silents once talking pictures came into being. The woman felt a tinge of guilt for her brief affair with Nick. She tried to justify her cheating on her husbnd by thinking she wanted a man who wanted more than just her toes. But then she told herself she saw the light. Seymour’s good qualities.

Something certainly needed to be done. And she was the one to do it. It was her and Seymour who were most victimized. She was being penalized for to her faithful loving spouse. Ergo she would be the one to express how miffed she was. The woman reflected the nerve of that “scalawag ” Little did he know, Nick was soon to get his comeuppence.

While sweat dripped down her forehead the woman heatedly wrote her communication.

It was three short paragraphs. The beginning of the letter told of how lured her into an affair with his conniving ways. The middle section Seymour Toze’s woman wrote of the problem. Lastly she wrote of the solution. That was the neighbors to confront Nicolas Venire and let him know they weren’t going to take his shenanigans.

She then showed what she wrote to Seymour. Not for approval but to see how he could help her. She figured since he lived there too it was his issue too. Plus the situation might use the manly touch, the manly perspective as it were.

“Oh yes Seymour would be most proud and grateful. I’m doing it for him too. It was the least I could do for being responsible for that swine Nicolas Venire’s doings. Yes that lothario would know yours truly, Lady Lynda was no woman to be trifled with.”

Besides Toze’s wife reflected it was she who got the neighborhood into this mess. It was her responsibility to get them out of it. She would go to the source of the problem. That dastardly cad Nicolas Venire. She would make his life utterly miserable until he could take no more of it There was nothing like a woman who was humiliated to be avenged.

With that goal in mind the woman furiously scribbled some words down on lined notebook paper. One handy thing about paper was it was lightweight Significantly compared to a notepad, or ipod. A good pen and paper was the only thing she needed

It was the fact she returned to the loving arms of her faithful husband that was the cause of this community shame. Yes she was once a wanton woman. But now she realized that she cheated was wrong That Venire she deemed needed to learn a lesson. It wasn’t only for her she composed the communique.

Now that the protest letter was written the next step was to disseminate it throughout the neighborhood.

Lady Lynda and her beau Seymour Toze share Fond thoughts on Martin Luther King and Each Other

Lady Lynda enjoyed Martin Luther King,Jr day with her husband. They each smacked their lips and licked their fingers as they enjoyed their Southern style friend chicken sandwichs. At the end of the day Lady Lynda began cpmtemplating the life of the Montgomery ALpastor Martin L. King of the Ebeneezer Baptist Church in1955 She reminesced same year Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat so a white man could sit down. Lady Lynda recalled when she was little she thought the church was named for the character from Charles Dickens novel “The Christmas Carol” She chuckled how her husband joked the story should be called overnight ghost therapy. The woman then shifted back to the civil rights leader MLK.
Seymour Toze wife grimaced in disgust when she remembered in 1955 fourteen year old Emmett Till was lynched by some Klansmen because the teen whistled at a white woman.

Then Lady Lynda mused about MLK organizing the Montgomery AL bus boycot shortly past being elected president of the Montgomery Improvement Association. It was a time when African Americans realized they too could make a difference by their actions.
Lady Lynda gasped as she recalled his house was bombed . She sighed a sigh of relief hiswife and children were saved. How King was charged with conspiracy. How the amazing boycot was for 382 days and how the bus boycot resulted in public transporation resulting in segregating races was not legal. Then the woman bemused how MLKing became 1957 head of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference.
“Seymour Martin Luther King was a great African American wasn’t he? Seymour replied He was not only a great African American. He was a great American. Darling MLK day is a national holiday for all Americans.
Toze solumnly mentioned the 1963″I Have a Dream” Speech and the 8/8/63 Washington DC march The two commented that King and other leaders met with president John F. Kennedy. How the leaders wished for segregation to end in education, African Americans to be better served by the law and more civil rights laws. He then picked up his gin mocktail . Lady Lynda picked up hers and they toasted MLK. Then they hugged each other and kissed.
“Yes he was a noble man. So noble he won the Nobel Peace Prize.” Indeed he was Time magazine’s man of the year. “I’m sure they would say person of the year these days” quipped Mrs Seymour Toze.
“Its a darn shame the first march on Selma AL was met police violence. I’m glad the 2nd march succceeded. ” So am I Sweetybuns, Toze responded. Sadly he was assasinated 1968. Ironically the day before he gave his inspirational speech that mentioned how the LORD allowed him to go to the mountain top. ….I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there.” Ironic”
The couple toasted each other with “King left a great legacy for every American. ”
“Yes Martin Luther King deserves to be celebrated as every civial rights leader does so that all races could be treated equally under the law. At least that’s how its suppose to be. remarked Seymour. “I most certainly get your drift Most certainly” remarked Lady Lynda. They all deserve a day of honor as we dear most certainy deserve to be close to each other”

So many holidays Jan 5th to Jan 8th. So many times for my beau Seymour and Yours Truly to celebrate.

>”This is yours truly Lady Lynda May Hoffenstetter Toze. Let’s see Last Friday January 5th was Twelfth Night. Saturday was Epiphany, Sunday was Orthodox Christian Christmas and keeping with the holiday spirit Elvis Presley’s birthday. So many ways to enjoy these wondrous special days. Officially I am not into celebrating any of these celebrations. To be honest I don’t observe the first three. What it comes down to is an excuse to eat fabulous scrumptious food with my most understanding paramour and husband Seymour. Ah yes Seymour Toze.”

12th night is officially the end of the Christmas season Now I know I saw people leave their decorations up past January 5th to each their own. One thing that’s no problem is that yummy Kings cake. Named for I suppose the three kings who visited the Christ Child. It was such a delight for Seymour and I to make the cake from scratch. We followed the recipe on the net Only we made it somewhat less fattening and therefore more healthy.

The recipe ingredients were unbleached flour, egg substitute, almond milk, dried fruit , crushed almonnds, Stevia and raw honey mix for sweetener. It was basically a fancy fruit cake met for a king. ie King cake. I know that my hubby and I loved eating it The desert was made in the crock pot and it took a couple hours to cook.

Epiphany is in commenoration of the Magi and their gifts for baby Jesus. That is a day celebrated by people who practice Christianity worldwide. We chose Italian since it was delicious cuisine and easy to find such restaurants in the neighborhood. We chose an intimate romantic eatery called “Bellisias” That word means the best in Italiano and it certainly lived up to its name. We chose Penne Pasta with Olio and Garlic. Superb.

Orthodox Christmas we enjoyed Greek dishes. Seymour and I figured anything with Feta cheese would make it Greco. It was brown and wild rice
with Feta. Scrumptious I can never eat white rice because of my diabetes. Just an aside here Nobody should eat white rice. Its the brown rice that leaves in the bran. That is where the nutrients are. White leaves out that most important part of the grain.

Lastly its the Kings Birthday. ELVIS!!! My Favorite song “Teddy Bear” I love Teddy’s. They are so sweet. Those pics of Presley and the cute bears brings back such fond memories of me and my Teddy Bear. Seymour still keeps his original Teddy from his childhood. He told me his mother and father thought he was becoming too attached when he insisted on bringing Teddy with them when they went out to eat. Several months of this insistence they sneakily took Teddy away from little Seymour. It was a few days later he found out and called the operator. The woman on the other end of the line told him she couldn’t look up his number without a last name. He tearfully told, with tears streaming down his face. His last name is Bear Teddy Bear. She tried to keep from laughing. When he grew up they gave back his bear and its still with us know. No he doesn’t sleep with it. I know there are a lot of weirdness with Toze but he does draw the line in this case. Getting back to Elvis. There were many fabulous recordings. From his earliest “That’s alright Mama” originally sung and written by Black blues artist Atthur Crudup 1954 to Presley’s recording of “Bridge over Troubled Waters” by Paul Simon. To his beautiful Gospel songs such as “Crying in the Chapel in the mid50s. Recorded in the late 40s by the R&B group the Orioles. Elvis was such an underrated singer. He was so super talented. He recorded his versions of early rock and roll . One exampleJust one question “Good Rockin’ Tonight” by Roy Brown 1947 and an even early blues song Kokomo Arnold’s “Milk Cow Blues” He made thise songs realy rock as only he could. Presley was phenomenal. Swivel hips version of Jr Parker’s”Mystery Train ” is to me hauntingly beautiful. One question.if January 7 is the Orthodox Christmas when is theiR New Year?

Lady Lynda Belatedly Explains the Jewish Holiday Hanukkuh and wishes her Christian friends Merry Christmas

“I would like to talk about a topic that is near and dear to me. I realize I’m a little late here being that Christmas was celebrated the other day. As I say better late than never. I was really busy lately with last minute shopping for my Christian friends and Jesus’s birthday. After all Christmas is a birthday celebration. One more thing dears Nothing wrong with Happy Holidays. Nobody is preventing anyone from saying Merry Christmas. I say state whatever makes your toes tap. I do hope every Christian enjoyed Christmas and everyone was able to enjoy the Christmas/Holiday season. I’m hoping the season with whatever special day you celebrate that it was meaningful, joyful to you. Businesses say happy holidays because it includes everyone Happy Holidays is conclusive.
Being of the Jewish persuasion I celebrate Hanukkah. No make that us Jews observe the holiday. yes we get out electron microscopes and we carefully scrutinize every part of this special day. Just a bon mot. Hanukkah even though it originated near the birth of a certain Jewish boy. Legend has it in a stable. I suppose being the Christmas season the hotels were booked. At any rate Hanukkah is not Judaism’s version of Christmas. Though I sincerely wish my dear Christian friends a merry Christmas. To each their own I say.
Lady Lynda wags her finger at the crowd seated in front of her. To signal emphasis. She cleared her throat. Took a sip of water and continued with her speech. As she talked she looked at the people’s expression to see their how they were responding. How friendly, interested they were.

“This holiday is in remembrance when around 100 BCE. That’s our version of BC The letters stand for Before the Christian Era. Oh pardon my interruption. Continuing on. The Maccabees , fighters for the faith defeated the dastardly Syrians and Greeks who ignominiously forbade our folks to practice our faith. How truculent of them. I suppose they never heard of the expression. Practice makes perfect. To add insult to injury they made our ancestors worship a pig in their Grecian temples. Pigs are not kosher. The Hebrew word is tref. It means unclean. The Hebrews took umbrage with their rulers. Mind you I am utterly certain modern day Greeks and Syrians arn’t like that these days. One must not condemn any ethnic group for how they were in the past. Its in the past. I say let go of it. Tata”

“This special day lasts seven days. The reason is there was only enough oil for one day. What a miracle. Oh such fortuitous event. The oil lasted seven days. Ergo we are in observance for one week. Some of us light a candle holder with seven structures for seven candles. The explanation for this is the larger one is in the middle. With this one we light a candle for each of the seven days. Me personally I skp this part because Heaven forbid I would inadvertently start a fire. But most of us do. The true meaning of this time of year is religious freedom. To be free to worship as we please. Oh by the way there is one similarity with Christmas. One that is quite important to our dear boys and girls. Their mothers and fathers give out a gift a day. Some of give out little flat round chocolates wrapped in golden foil to represent money, or in the Hebraic language gelt. Some of us spin a top with eight sides called a dreidal. We bet on what side with wound on the surface it is on. Sometimes we sing “Dreidel dreidel dreidal. I made it out of clay. With dreidal, dreidel. We dreidel I will play. Lady Lynda sang in a sweet contralto. We make potato pancakes called Latkes. So in essence it is a major time for us Jews. ”

Rate this:

Finally Free.

The woman nervously stammered as she relaid her predictiment. Dan D was stunned. He was filled with consternation. He was dumbfounded on how to react. She told him how she was constantly emotionally, physically and sexually abused by the man she at first thought was her mentor. She asked if Dan D. Walker could help her once and for all escape her tormentor

“You escaped him now”replied Walker in a reassuring tone.
“I can’t go on like this. I got away from his clutches yet somehow or another. Either him or his faithful henchmen will find me.. You must I beg of you to help me to get away from his clutches. I know you’re the only one who understands. You know what its like to feel the sting of the only attention is one to be stared at…jeered at. He wants to completely destroy my confidence. I felt so sorry for you at the “World’s Cheapest Freak show. To be seen as a deformity rather than a man. The brawny Texan felt a lump in his throat. He saw he was not alone in his feelings of odd person out. He held her tightly, partly because of gratitude and to show he truly cared. Walker tenderly bowed his head toward the bullied woman..The light from the moon shone on the soft curves of her tender neck. Her golden brown eyes lit up as she realized at last she found the man willing and able to help her escape the clutches of the man who did his best to hold her prisoner in her own apartment. Now thanks for Daniel Delbert Walker she was at last free of his clutches.