A Special Luncheon by Carol Anne Bond

A Girl’s Luncheon
Posted in site promotion, tagged beautiful dreams, Carol Anne Bond Writer.
This is Auntie Carol and I must simply tell you of the excellent luncheon my new beau, Herman Sherman prepared for me and my most beloved Lady Lynda. For forty-three years I have followed God’s commandments, that is except for the one, “Go forth and multiply.” ALors, darlings nobody’s ,perfect. and I’ll find a reason to go on living somehow. How long have I waited for my prince/princess to come along. Before Herman or as he sometimes calls himself, Emma Enigma, I had given up hope and was going to dedicate my life to “good works” like the late Mother Therese. God bless her soul. That is not to say I could carry it that far. But close.

For those of you who have not followed our meanderings Herman Sherman & Emma Enigma, are two parts of the same person, a hermaphrodite I fell in love with. So much do I love hin/her I would lay down my very life for him. Most days Herman, the man courts me: other days I have the best female companion, a girl could want with the exception of Lady Lynda, my dear friend. More about Herman. He is gorgeous, simply divine with his violet, thick lashed eyes and flowing blue black long hair. A face a mother would die for and any young girl would swoon for like the old fashioned Errol Flynn or Lawrence Olivier, a dark handsomeness and beautiful as a girl or “Emma”. I have two, two mints in one, (a littte bon mot for you.) Sometimes I am tres comique. Innitially Lady Lynda had reservations saying he didn’t know whether he was coming or going and I assured her he was mentally stable though being two people. He’d have to be sane to be a licensed sex thearpist with a degree in abnormal psych from Penn. I have an interest in abnormal psych, and it kinds of turns me on for some reason. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t hurt a soul, but it’s just nice to have someone to talk with me about abnormal psychology, Scarcely human. I just have the gut level feeling I could have cured them with some good Christian virtues, home cooking, and the love of a good woman, moi. Oh, well water under the bridge. Now I have Herman/Emma.

Emma, dressed in an orange leather mini-skirt and diaphonous, see through blouse with black lace bra on her small breasts looked every bit the high fashion model. She was almost as beautiful as The Black Orchid but not quite. Oh, well, Quelle Domage.

Anyway, Emma cooked the entire meal as only a Cordon Bleu chef could. Pheasant under glass with wild rice stuffing and herbs, artichoke hearts in lime and olive oil, parslied potatoes, and tomato aspic (not my favorite.) She served us cabernet from France and we ate little dainty bite sized apple and cherry pies, baked by her own loving hands for desert. As she walked like a lioness from room to room with infinite grace she trailed behind the essence of Shalimar. I shan’t tell you what happened when we were alone in our bedroom later but I will say I am still pristine and saving myself for the wedding bed. Shall you guess whom I mean?

For all of Lady Lynda’s fears that I was dating a mad man, he/she dispelled all doubt, when he played our rhyming game, and fixed Lady Lynda with her most fetching smile.
some of our bon mots were: stalion eating a scallion, sublime lime, occasion for a Caucasion & the smile that stretched a mile. A main who can rhyme can commit no crime.

Oh, believe me we all had further witticisms too numerous to mention. We were a clever bunch. Then we discussed our favorite artists and writers. Names like Boticelli, Bosch, Breugel, La Treck, Van Gogh and others floated through the cool spring air like aerie ghosts. When it came to Nietche, we all agreed, dare I say, that he was an insufferable bastard and a totally evil. man. For, it is my contention that the world is run by Nietche, and that is not pleasant. Not pleasant at all. Alors! and heavens no!

But the long and the short of it is that my best friend now approved of my beau, and wished us well. I would have to do the same for Seymour Toze though I considered him a pervert. Well, nobody’s perfect, least of all, moi. Sherman carried me up the stairs to the bedroom as I was somewhat tipsey and I had beautiful dreams. Just beautiful. I was Cinderella at last.

CAROL ANN-writer of Poems of Thunder (Noir & Whimsy) @ BN.com, Amazon.com & publisheamerica.com
Numerous other books- need agents and’or publishers contact thru facebook, poetry, humor historical drma

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More of Lady Lynda’s Tips on how a Lady Behaves with her Mate.

Lady Lynda entered the classroom conservatively properly dressed in a brocade rose pink suit and matching cotton gloves. Hello dears, its once again Lady Lynda. I want to talk to you of a critically important topic. How a good dutiful wife behaves in a successful marriage. Oh please I deliberately did not use the word relationship. That word to me, indicates what some of us euphaemistically calls living together. I call it living in sin I’m getting the vapors just thinking about it. Please excuse me while I sit down before I faint. Okay now I feel much better. Please note, while Seymour Toze is my gentleman friend we each live in our separate domiciles.

Lets begin. Rule number one. Never make your husband feel inferior. For example you are offered a work position you know you’re qualified for. If you wind up making more money than your dear husband. No matter how much you want it, turn it down. His ego is worth more than any economic benefit to you. In fact a wife should be really remiss if she took any job. This would be blow to her husband’s fragile ego They may look, manly, muscular but underneath those muscles lays a mass of mush of insecurities Never ever post anything of this nature on any social media.

One more thing never ever say something that goes counter to what he is saying. You must never, ever contradict him. Especially when you are riding in the automobile with him. Whenever you get lost, please don’t ever suggest you pull up to the nearest gas station and ask for directions. It may be the womanly sensible thing to do but men aren’t sensible like us women. It is a cardinal rule that men never ever ask for directions. This is a fact that this is written in their DNA. Just accept this. To do so would surely hurt their fragile pride. Even if you get totally lost, you’d be completely rude to complain about your lovey (spouse) not inquiring how to get somewhere. It is much better for you two to wind up on some long winding road Besides you two are all alone. Use your imagination. Men may look tough but underneath they are quivering jellyfishes. It is up to the wife to consistently remember that.

Seymour Toze and his Perspective on the Charm School for Wayward Girls.

I, Seymour Toze believe I am in my rights in telling my opinion of my lady friend, Lady Lynda’s part in her woman friend Auntie Carol’s Charm school. While do think its commendable. Yes I really do. There are I hate to confess, some issues. For one thing neither of them inquired how I felt.
Well I’ll tell you how I’m feeling, I feel like I’m being ignored. I know its the two ladies charm school. But being that I am the gentleman friend I think I have the right to some say. Plus I believe I could be of real help in my input. I’m thinking the classes could use a masculine viewpoint. Or at least my viewpoint…I must say I truly think its quite commendable what my lady friend and her colleague is doing for these unfortunate urchins. I mean what other ladies would take the time to show them the errors of their ways. I am proud to be the gentleman friend of Lady Lynda Hottenfetter.
She certainly is a dear. Plus I adore her in her open toed spiked heels I feel compelled to mention one of the reasons I love and greatly admire my Lady Lynda. I do hope they instill the importance of open toed spiked heels in young ladies.

A masculine perspective is definitely what is needed here. A man’s point of view to balance my dear Lady Lynda and her colleague Auntie Carol.

Bubbles and Champagne. The World to Gain. Carol Anne’s Review of the Graduation Party

This post by CAROL ANN Bond

This is Auntie Carol and Lady Lynda, and we are so thrilled. The Charm School Girls got together and gave us a farewell party at the Warwick Hotel The theme was, “Bubbles and Champagne, the World to Gain.” They bought five bottles of Mum’s Champagne which we put on Lahonda’s credit card. Oh, I declare, it is fun to be naughty sometimes. I, Auntie Carol, had two glasses and got a little tipsey. Alors! And, oh my heavens! The entire room was festooned with crepe and black baloons. The dominant theme was pink and the girls in their passion pink prom dresses resembled tulips blooming in a garden.

On their lips was the palest of “baby” pink and on their eyelids was pastel violet or turquoise according to eye color. all according to what a true lady would wear. And my, oh my, the had a three tier yellow cake with white frosting and pink and yellow roses. The cake was sumptuous, and I ate five roses and am all the fatter for it. One must indulge one’s gustatory pleasures every now and then. And Bacchus and his ‘pards were in attendence as well. Of course, I jest, a little tongue and cheek humor for you.

They all got together and recited Lady Lynda’s Society’s Niceties in iambic pentameter. She was so ecstatic, as was I.
They are the future wives and mothers of the world and a boon to any proper man’s bed. Our live’s work had come to fruition in these fey, and reckless lasses!

As they left they trailed behind them the scents of White Shoulders, Shalimar, Tea Rose, and Faberge’s WoodHue. Scent is a lady’s calling card. For a lady must always be a spectral image in her lover’s mind. A lady must be unforgettable like the late Audrey Hepburn. Oh, my, my eyes mist over in tears just thinking of that memorable evening.
CAROL ANN

Lady Lynda’s View of The Charm School for Wayward Girls Graduation.

Oh Auntie Carol what a dreadful example to give to your newly graduated reformed charm school ladies. A little tipsy I don’t believe is the right phrase. How ’bout practically roaring down drunk? Conversely I remember a few years ago a so called woman friend invited me to a place of entertainment. Well it turned out to be a show of scantily clad male entertainers. I recall drinking my 14 Mimosas. Even so I was still standing and even dancing. Far from the best dancing but still dancing. Especially when everybody with the exception of us, were underage. I wonder how many of the young women are members of Instagram? They should be complete teatotolersI did like the way the room was festooned with colorful crepe, black balloons. Was black subconsously chosen because we are leaving the girls for greener pastures? Whatever? Pretty in pink I say. Those tulip dresses for the young ladies waiting for their two lips to be kissed by handsome beaus. I just love the colorful makeup. It was a fest fit for a Bachanalia. If you’ll pardon my expression. lol. I’m truly grateful they recited my Society’s Niceties in iambic pentimeter. Shakespeare would of been proud. I know I was. The perfumes were an olfactory delight. Such sophistication in scents. The sweet smell of success was in the air. A little tongue and cheek humor. Oh Auntie Carol, you are so cheeky.

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Lady Lynda Explains “High Tea” to the girls at The Cham School for Wayward Girls

Darlings, This is Auntie Carol and I have been going through Lady Lynda’s delightful Journals and came across this charming entry
about “High Tea”. A ritual every young lady should be cognizant of. So I will trust Lady Lynda will give me permission to read it to you.
It is intriguing our Lady Lynda refers to herself in third person, or is it psychotic of her, Oh my!
“Methinks she would deign not to send her High Tea lesson to Facebook. I doubt she is even on FB. I doubt she Tweets. She most likely thinks of songbirds if she ever heard someone mention tweets. I suspect if she ever heard the word twitter Seymour Toze’s wife would presume twitter would refer to someone who imitates a perching bird with quick high pitched sounds or giggles with a high pitched laugh. Or talks excitedly in squeaky tones.
There is a slow fade as in old fashion movies and next enters Auntie Carol’s confident.
Lady Lynda ‘s wool skirt suit and complementary lacy blouse hue of sunlit sky befitted her personality like lemon and “Earl Grey” tea. “Hello class”. “Did you know high tea was started to ward off hunger of the English working class between lunch and dinner.”” Wasn’t to get high. It was named that because of the time it was officially served. Started as a relaxing time for the common folk. Now is quite a ritual. Its official time between 3 and 4 pm.”
“I figure these days the event would be in a “Craig’s List Listing” under local events commented one of the girls as she snickered under her breath.
Lady Lynda’s expression showed utter confusion. “Who is Craig and what is his list”?
She decided to ignore the remark and move on.
“Here are the Instructions You must have the following equipment* Teapot* Creamer* Sugar bowl* Bread and butter plates,Napkin, different cream filled sandwiches, Scones,sweet fruit jams, tea from India, China or Japan”
Won’t it be hard to find Chinese or Japenese tea.” one of the snooty girls. I wonder if I can send a request on my Instagram account
The woman gave the explanation one may delight in English tea. She suggested English Grey. Then Lady Lynda explained Darjheling is an Indian tea.
Lady Lynda quickly perused the crowd. She couldn’t help noticing most of their clothes left ample portions of their nubile bodies exposed. It seemed as if their tops were cut so low it looked as if one could say that’s a really fashionable top your daringly falling out of.
Then the woman wheeled into the room, a three tiered English colonial, wild cherry bark wood table, on the bottom level were the pitcher and cups. On the middle level were the fruit scones and on the top was the fancy silver tray with various wedged shaped tea sandwiches for the partakers to enjo
“Table must be pleasantly presented. Only the finest serving set will do. The finger sandwiches with the crust cut or whatever way removed cut into equilateral triangles. Does the equilateral triangles remind you of math.”
“Only math any of us are interested in is how long will this High Tea lesson be?”
They sighe they weren’t spending their time on Facebook, Instagram , Twitter or Snapchat.
Lady Lynda firmly but gently chided them. ” One needs to keep being proper every step of the way.”
The sandwiches she noted should be of watercress, or salmon and dill, or creamcheese and chives. She insisted only real butter should be spread. There should be a creamer too, sugars and if wanted, artificial sweeteners for the tea. The cups should be designed with Rococo 18th century French royalty cups. The scones can be various fruit flavors.
She mentioned to prepare the tea , to boil the water. Then when the guests come, to “put the kettle on” She continued explaining to boil the water in the tea kettle. She emphasized it was crucial the water boil to infuse the tea just right, to guarantee full bodied flavor, potency. Then next she explained to put some into the pot, to warm it. Next teabags or loose tea. Pour more water into the teapot. Use a tea cozy to ensure a warm cup. Let the cup sit for at least three minutes. Then let the company enjoy, Lets cherish our high tea together”

Lady Lynda’s Concerns about Auntie Carol’s Charm School for Wayward Girls

There are major mixed emotions regarding my dear friend and colleage Auntie Carol’s decision to start a charm school for wayward teens. I realize she means well. Does she want me to give up my dream of obtaining my MSW Or as that crude Wanda Lust would say mealy mouthed snotty whackjobs. Neither of them understand how important my MSW is to me. I do want to help those unfortunate freaks my gentleman friend Seymour Toze and I saw in Intercourse PA. At that “World’s Cheapest Freak Show.” Can you imagine going through life with a deviated septum? Oh Heaven forbid a Texas accent? Oh the utter horror. I was so heartened by that woman with the permanately curved little fingers finding work as a tea server at the local snack shop. It was so noble of that PA town to showcase those miserable dears.
I do wish Auntie Carol my best. She is right. I am troubled by the waywardness of our young women and their counterparts. We did dress well. She in pink and me in lavender. We wanted to make a proper impression on the high school’s superintendent. I am certain our dainty gloves and suitable fashionable hats helped immensely with setting up a favorable impression.
I was bursting with pride when Auntie Carol instantly picked up on how that teen girl said “Whatever” Obviously that was a desperate cry for grammar help. Her rules for proper young ladies are good ones to me. I’m just hoping I obtain my MSW too